SHARP EYE TEST
Count the letter F every time it appears in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
KNOCK KNOCK's contributed by James Coffman
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room....
"Why are you down here at this time of night!?" The husband looks up from his drink,
"It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues,
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,"
he said solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband
is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses.......
The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.
"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly... He sighed
as he wiped another tear away from his cheek
and said, "I would have gotten out today."
AUTHOR:charlie from ckc family
If you like that how about this....
AUTHOR:cb
AUTHOR:cb
Beckerle Lumber - Lumber One with Corny Thanksgiving jokes
A TURKEY WALKS INTO A BAR AND ASKS A BARTENDER IF HE HAS ANY GRAPES
THE GRUMPY BARTENDER SAYS "NO"
THE NEXT DAY THE SAME TURKEY WALKS INTO THE SAME BAR AND ASKS THE SAME GRUMPY BARTENDER IF HE HAS ANY GRAPES
"NO"
THE NEXT DAY THE SAME TURKEY WALKS INTO THE SAME BAR ....BUT
before the TURKEY CAN SAY ANYTHING THE GRUMPY BARTENDER SAYS
"IF YOU ASK ME IF I HAVE ANY GRAPES I AM GOING TO NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE BAR!"
THE TURKEY THINKS FOR A MINUTE THEN ASKS THE BARTENDER IF HE HAS ANY NAILS
THE BARTENDER SAYS "NO"
THE TURKEY THEN ASKS THE BARTENDER IF HE HAS ANY GRAPES....
...if you have any problems with this joke... see CKC
AND DONT FORGET TO SMILE!
We ALL have a lot to be thankful for.
Why was the turkey the drummer in the band?
...because he had the drumsticks.
What do you call a gobbler who thinks he knows everything?
a smirky turkey
What sound does a space turkey make?
hubble hubble hubble
Beckerle Lumber - STILL - Lumber ONE with 'REGULAR' Corny jokes
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic. TH 11-14-12
Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around.
Which insects are famous for building?
Carpenter ants.
Why did the football coach send in his second string?
So he could tie the game up.
What kind of pliers do math teachers use?
MULTIPLIERS.
Why is it hard for a Ghost to tell a lie?
because you can see right through him.
What is the problem with TWIN WITCHES?
ANSWER:You never know which witch is which.
-----------------------------------------------------
Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.
-----------------------------------------------------
Where does a Lumberjack go to buy things?
ANSWER:The Chopping center
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe & Mike, driving on a COUNTRY road, delivering a load of lumber when,
JOE the DRIVER said: "Look, there's a cow herd!"
MIKE said: "I don't care what a cow heard."
JOE the DRIVER: "No, It's a herd of cows."
MIKE: "Of course I"ve heard of cows."
LUMBERJACK: Goes to the bank to open an account.
BANK MANAGER: I'm sorry, sir, you can't open an account with this sort of money... They're wooden pieces!
LUMBERJACK: But I only want to open a SHAVINGS account.
What is a Ghost's favorite music?
Spirit-uals.
If your MOTTO is: "If at first you don't succeed"...
Then - Don't take up skydiving!
What kind of plants do MATH teachers plant?
The ones with square roots.
Here is a joke LIVE from WARSAW POLAND:
KNOCK KNOCK................who's there?
POLISH....................POLISH who? POLISH BURGLAR! (get it...a burglar knocking!)
A man walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.
The bartender says, OK, you can stay, but don't try and start anything.
QUESTION: What kind of SHIP can last forever?
ANSWER: Friendship.
QUESTION:How do you warm up a room after its been painted?
ANSWER:You give it a second coat.
QUESTION:How to you make a weathervane?
ANSWER:You keep giving it compliments.
QUESTION:What month to trees hate the most?
ANSWER:September.
Get it.... "Sep-TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMBER".
QUESTION:How do trees like their ice cream served?
ANSWER:In a Pine Cone.
QUESTION:How do roofers march in the St. Patrick's parade?
ANSWER:In shingle file.
....THAT WAS BAD..HOW ABOUT THIS ONE...
QUESTION:What does the auto mechanic charge to fix a flat tire?
ANSWER:A Flat rate.
What bites without using its teeth?
Frost.
CB 09-16-12
Why do archeoligists have so much fun?
They really dig their work.
CB 09-15-12
How can you recognize a dogwood tree?
By its Bark.
CB 09-14-12
What did the lumber jack do with his computer?
logged on.
CB 09-13-12
What does a PINE Tree wear for an Alaskan cruise?
A FIR Coat.
CB 09-12-12
Where did the Computer stay when he joined the ARMY?
In the Data BASE.
CB 09-10-12
Why does the Coffee Taste like MUD?
...because it's Fresh Ground.
UNKNOWN 09-08-12
What did the outlaw get when he stole the calendar?
12 months.
CB 09-07-12
What lumber jack has the biggest shoes?
The One with the biggest feet.
CB 09-07-12
What goes round and round the wood, but never into the wood?
The Bark
CB 09-06-12
Do lumber yards have a lot of board meetings?
...thats it...thats the joke!
UNKNOWN 09-06-12
What kind of Ties can't you wear?
Rail Road Ties.
CB 09-05-12
What kind of beer do TREE's like to drink?
Root beer.
CB 09-05-12
What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.
CB 09-04-12
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
CB 08-30-12
Some customers in a pickup truck drive into beckerle lumber. One of the customers walks in to the store and says, "We need some four-by-twos."
Johnny who works at beckerle asks, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man says, "I'll go check," and goes back to the truck. He returns in a minute and says, "Yeah, I mean 2 X 4's."
"Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer pauses for a minute and says, "I'd better go check."
After awhile, the customer returns to the store and says, "A LONG TIME! We're gonna live in the house after we build it."
UNKNOWN 08-30-12
Where is Solomon's temple?
On the side of his head. CB 08-30-12
What kind of keys do kids like?
Cookies CB 08-29-12
What vehicle is the same from either direction?
RACECAR CB 08-28-12
What is the Center of Gravity?
v CB 08-27-12
Can you spell ROTTED with TWO letters?
dk. CB 08-26-12
What do you fill with empty hands?
Gloves. CB 08-24-12
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the rugby team?
She always ran away from the ball. CB 08-23-12
What Word has three consecutive letters?
b-OO-KK-EE-per. CB 08-22-12
What goes up but never goes down?
Your Age. SB 08-21-12
You answer me without being asked a question?
TELEPHONE. SB 08-21-12
Who is the father of Bad jokes?
POP CORN. SB 08-20-12
Why did the book join the police department?
To go UNDER COVER. CB 08-19-12
What do you get when you cross a ROOSTER and a DUCK?
A BIRD that gets up at the QUACK of Dawn. CB 08-18-12
Where do penguins keep their money?
In SNOWBANKS. CB 08-17-12
Why are geese lousy drivers?
They HONK too much. CB 08-16-12
What do computer experts do on the weekend?
They go for a disk DRIVE. CB 08-16-12
What plant is FOUR?
IV. CB 08-15-12
Why did the traffic light turn RED?
You would turn RED too... If you had to change in front of EVERYBODY! CB 08-15-12
What is the laziest mountain in the world?
Mount Ever-REST. CB 08-14-12
When does a boat show affection?
When it hugs the shore. CB 08-13-12
What do you call a man that always has to wire for money?
An Electrician. CB 08-12-12
What letters would frighten a thief?
OICU. CB 08-11-12
If King Midas Sat on GOLD. Who Sat on SILVER?
The Lone Ranger. CB 08-10-12
What did the tree say when he was burned down?
I cant beleaf this! UNKNOWN 08-09-12
Do you think thats a good joke?
...since I wooden know.
What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Stop taking me for granite. CB 08-08-12
Why did the wagon train stop in the middle of the prairie?
Injun trouble. CB 08-07-12
What is the best way to carve wood?
Whittle by Whittle. UNKNOWN 08-06-12
What New York Building has the most stories?
The public library. CB 08-05-12
Spell PRETTY with two letters.
QT. CB 08-04-12
What has arms and legs but no hands?
A Chair. CB 08-03-12
What RUNS but never WALKS?
WATER. CB 08-02-12
What do you break when you say its name?
SILENCE. CB 08-01-12
What is easy to get into to but hard to get out of?
TROUBLE. CB 07-31-12
When is a TALL person SHORT?
When they have no CASH. CB 07-30-12
What kind of storm is always in a rush?
A HURRYcain. CB 07-26-12
What does a farmer use to COUNT his cattle?
A COWculator. CB 07-25-12
How does a biologist communicate?
He uses his CELL phone. CB 07-24-12
What bird can lift the heaviest weights?
The Crane. CB 07-23-12
How did Cathy hurt herself raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree. SB 07-07-12
What bird can lift the heaviest weights?
The Crane. SB 07-23-12
What belongs to you - BUT others USE it more than you?
Your NAME. CB 07-05-12
How Can you Gift Wrap a Cloud?
With a RAINBOW. CB 06-27-12
What can fill up a room but takes no space?
LIGHT. CB 06-07-12
What can you keep only after you give it away?
Your word. CB 06-06-12
What FALLS but never gets HURT?
A Waterfall CB 06-04-12
RIDDLE ME THIS:
What is the longest ROPE in the world?
euROPE. CB 06-01-12.
RIDDLE ME THIS:
I SIT on a CORNER and I TRAVEL around the WORLD.
Who am I?
A stamp. CB 05-30-12.
What do you call an OLD snow man?
Water. CB 05-29-12.
What do you call two cows playing tug of war?
Beef Jerky. CB 05-26-12.
What flies around all day but goes nowhere?
A flag. CB 05-25-12.
What type of Bank has NO Money?
A river BANK. CB 05-24-12.
Why Does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo'drizzle. TH 05-23-12. -TH (Who is Snoop Dogg?).
I didn't get this but hopefully wil draw in a new audience?
What do you get when you combine a hippo, an elephant and a rhino?
Helephino. TH 05-22-12. -TH IS BACK and today TH is Beckerle lumber's joke meister winner.
...but....honestly, We expected better!
What kind of COAT can you put on ONLY when WET? A coat of paint. CB 05-19-12
What is made of WOOD but Can NOT be Sawn? Saw Dust. CB 05-17-12
What has A BARK but doesn't BITE? A Tree. CB 05-16-12
What kind of CAR do electrician's drive? Volts Wagons. CB 05-14-12
What is served but never eaten? A tennis ball. CB 05-12-12
How did the computer catch a COLD? It left its window OPEN. CB 05-10-12
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back. CB 05-09-12
What do you call a song about a car? A Car Toon. CB 05-08-12
CB is back two days in a row!
What has rings but no fingers? A Tree. CB 05-07-12
CB has broken TH's streak! LOOKS LIKE CB IS STILL THE BECKERLE LUMBER JOKE MEISTER?
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. TH 05-05-12
TH is WINNER THREE DAYS IN A ROW! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A NEW JOKE MEISTER?
What would happen if VENETIAN blinds were never INVENTED?
It would be curtains for all of us. TH 05-04-12
TH is WINNER TWO DAYS IN A ROW! DO WE HAVE A NEW JOKE MEISTER?
JOKE of the DAY
We have a NEW WINNER!(NOT CB)
What do you call a bike made of molasses? A truly viscous cycle! TH 05-03-12
If you don't get it ask one of your ivy league friends. I dont get it either
Even by my standards - these are BAD jokes!
In an effort to raise the joke standards,
I invite everyone to send me their corny joke of the day. Mr.Corn I will pick the best and put on web.
Hopefully this will raise level of humor?
Cant get much worse?
Riddle me This:
When is the MOON the HEAVIEST? When its full. CB 05-02-12
Riddle me This:
What did One Wall say to the other Wall? Meet me at the Corner CB 05-01-12
Riddle me This:
What has Two Hands But Can't Clap? A Clock CB 04-30-12
JOKE of the day PAST WINNERS Week ONE
How do TREES get on the INTERNET? They LOG in! CB 04-25-12
Riddle me THIS.....
What has Three FEET but NO TOES? A Yard stick-Of Course! CB 04-26-12
Or THIS.....
What is the difference between ONE Yard and TWO Yards? A Fence. CB 04-27-12
Luckily CB is OFF until Monday - STAY TUNED.
and the MASTER OF CORNY lb3's...
JOKE - 1
SPRING HAS SPRUNG.
Who is the FIRST
Out in the Spring?
ANSWER:
JOKE - 2
If APRIL Showers bring MAY flowers, What do MAY flowers bring?
Hover on Picture for answer.
Beckerle: An American FAMILY tradition since 3 Nov 1859.
Beckerle Lumber: A Family BUSINESS Tradition Since 1940.
We know we are the FUNNIEST Lumber yard on the PLANET....our
MISSION:
To be The BEST Lumber yard in the UNIVERSE.
LUMBER ONE
Out in the Spring?
